Samantha, just Samantha (samantilles) wrote,
Samantha, just Samantha

long major rant

Something tells me I might have to explain myself tonight when talking to my professor on why I haven't gone to see her about my research topic for a paper due tooo soon... so here are my thoughts on my burn out from graduate school...

Whether most of you know or don't know, I pretty much burned out of graduate school last April. I just more or less keep afloat when I can for the classes I'm signed up in this semester.

I made it through undergraduate years living off a strive to prove to everybody else that I'm not as dumb as people make it so clear that they think I am. I did well, studied my ass off, sacrificed a social life, sleep, a healthy lifestyle to make the grade. And I was successful to some extent. I went from being a dumb in the middle ignored social reject to being someone that most looked up to in class, or at least the curve breaker that everybody hated come exam day. Yes I still got the odd and end person who reminded me of my inherent idiocy, but for the most part people weren't so active in telling me just how much I didn't belong at college, or just how dumb or stupid I am. And deep down I became comfortable with my mind, which is more than what I can say about the rest of me. But despite my successes in undergraduate, never at any point did I do the work, the writing of bad essays, taking the tests, forcing to speak in class, because I inherently wanted to. There is a difference between learning and taking a course.
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