Samantha, just Samantha (samantilles) wrote,
Samantha, just Samantha
samantilles

  • Mood:

contemplative.....

I got a phonecall today from heliwood giving me the times for the viewing and funeral of a US Marine who was killed in Iraq... The soldier in question, Kyle Renehan, was the brother of a classmate of ours back in grade school, Chris, who also was in Iraq with the Marines when his brother was injured by a mortar shell.  Kyle managed to survive 11 days and make his way to Germany with his brother in time for his parents to fly there and be at his bedside by the time he died of head injuries.  Kyle was also in my sister's class.

You know, my entire life I've lived just off of a military base... its just something that happens when one has a father who was both an Army and an Air Force sergent.  And since the military campaign started against Afghanistan and later in Iraq, people have always followed up my comment that I live on a military base with the question, "Do you know someone who died/was in Iraq?" and until now, I couldn't say I did know anyone personally... Remy had been away in Iraq for a year, but he came home safely... the Renehans were the only other soldiers I knew of personally who had not only gone, but had volunteered to go.  Sadly now, I have a name to go with that question...

The other lingering thought is once more about my former life... Chris Renehan returned home from Iraq and is handling most of the funeral arrangements from what I hear... that is a good thing that the military sent him/let him go home in my mind... But Chris was also of a time that I largely repressed the day I graduated high school... For one, I no longer go by Laura, which is my given first name, but by my middle name, sam, which you all should know me as.  Secondly, I and my life has substantially changed since then, with a plethora of emotional baggage to go with it...
Chris was one of 27 kids in our grade school class... he was no worse off to me than most, though I admit, most of my grief was actually because I spent my time with heliwood ... he was the tortured soul of the class... I was tormented because I had the potential of hanging out with the "cool kids" because I was on the basketball team, but chose not to...  But as I think back now, I honestly cannot remember how he treated me... I was in the advanced math classes with him, so on some level I earned his respect as a student, and like I said, I just recieved a lot of deflection from heliwood's torture rather than incurring my own.  But through all the shit I was put through in grade school, in high school, and even in college, I don't feel resentment towards him in any way, and at some awkward level, I kinda look forward to meeting up with him... Maybe I'm rationalizing or changing my memories based now on the fact that he's a marine *and I have total and utmost respect for soldiers* or that his brother just passed, or whatnot, but I can't find a single memory to resent him or be angry with him at all... which is a good thing, just a curious one... but thinking back, I can't think of a time where I heard the Renehan name and automatically resounded "bastard" back like I do with some of my more potent torturers... just awkward... 

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